There’s nothing that hits harder than the brutal realization that the only thing standing between you and the life you dream about is YOU! It’s the way you think, the way you act, the way you react, or your total lack of action at all.
Recently I posted the above message on Facebook. Later I was in the bedroom sorting through clothing. I’m attempting to “clean house” in every aspect of my life; physically, materially, emotionally, and spiritually. I have more clothes than I could ever wear in my remaining years. Nothing designer label or high-end. No, I’ve learned to shop frugally in very moderately priced stores. I’ve grown quite fond of Target, H&M, or Real Old Navy as I refer to it, places where the man of a certain age can make a fashion blunder and leaving the house looking foolish, yet for a relatively modest price. ROSS is an absolute goldmine and on Tuesdays I get a discount just for being over 55. There’s no good reason for a man my age to blow $300 bucks for a pair of skinny jeans when he can evoke ample ridicule in a pair that he got at ROSS for $17.99. In fact, the designer logo on the $300 pair would only add insult to injury. So, as I looked over this collection of clothing that I was going to donate to one of the many charities, I came to realize that it was all garments that I actually liked, they’ve simply ceased to fit. I had bought these items for a reason, in fact, were I financially prepared to do so, I go out and purchase the same items tomorrow, albeit in a larger and more flattering size. But, if I were to ever again weigh 175-180 lbs., these very items would be perfect. That’s when it struck me. 180… It’s not just about a goal weight, but the fact that I need to do a 180 in evert aspect of my life. Physically, materially, socially, emotionally, and spiritually. There’s really nothing “wrong” with my life, or me for that matter. But, I am hardly living up to any standard even near my potential. First of all I need to shift gears, do a U-turn in the way I think, a 180 degree turnaround in my thought process and priorities. It’s like an alcoholic or addict entering a recovery program and being told that the only thing they have to change about themselves is EVERYTHING. Well, that’s exactly where I’m at. I’ve been there with booze, been there with shopping, big time been there with cigarettes. But in the process I’ve rewarded myself by indulging in gluttony and sloth. I eat too much, and I move too little. But, it’s not just about the foods I consume or getting to the gym. It starts with my thoughts, my manner of thinking. The insidiously insane notion that because I’ve given up certain things that once brought me pleasure but proved be ruinous, somehow allows me to feel that I deserve to reward myself with other pleasurable but equally detrimental practices. That’s insanity! But, anytime we attempt to fill the hole in the sole with substances or outside influences, be it booze, food, sugar, shopping, sex.. Whatever! When we attempt to fill that hole in our soul with anything other than our own emotional and spiritual development, it’s only a matter of time before we end up back at Square One. I don’t drink, I don’t do drugs, I don’t smoke. Yet, I eat way too damn much and put more effort into hooking up and getting laid than I do working on my physical health at the gym. So, once again in my life, it’s time to make some changes, and as always, the only thing I have to change is everything. I need to reboot my mind, start seeing things from a different perspective. To see food as fuel to achieve better health as opposed to seeing cake as a panacea for whatever didn’t go my way today. To get to the gym rather than look at the guy with the perfectly chiseled body and retreat to the sofa. I’m beginning to develop a clear picture of what I want and I’m beginning to make some sincere changes. But, I know I can’t do it alone. So my hope in committing to this journey but creating this blog and sharing with others will aid me with developing the self-discipline to become the man I wish to be.
NOTE: I am going to make an attempt to eat more nutritionally and develop an exercise and fitness program that works for me. This is not about what diet or eating plan I’m on, nor is it about how much time I spend at the gym and details about a workout. I am not going to post Before & After photos of myself. Comparing ourselves to others and wishing to either avoid or achieve their results does noting towards nurturing better thinking, behavior, or practice within our own program. Comparison is but one more form of judgment. My dentist, a lovely man, is a competitive body builder. He inspires me greatly as a man, and his body is a testimonial to extreme discipline and dedication to achieve a goal. Certainly there’s the cofactor of being genetically gifted. No matter my diet or diligence at the gym, I will never have this man’s body. I see his body as a stunning achievement, but what truly inspires me and what I wish to emulate is the manner of thinking that has compelled him to stick to a strict regimen of diet and exercise. We all have the equal opportunity to achieve greatness, but it’s absurd to think that we’ll achieve it in the same manner. So, this is about exploring my own potential, and finding my own path, along with the determination and discipline to display my own greatness.
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