My Prayer (Wish) for You Today

For those that are unfamiliar with me,  please let me state that my prayers have nothing to do with begging or supplication to some outside source or force. I am not seeking the mercy or assistance from God or Gods. My prayers are merely “thoughts held” for the Greatest Good of the person or situation I’m praying for.  I also pray for the grace to accept the outcome, finding peace and healing,  even realizing that the obstacle I face may in fact be the appropriate  answer to the  situation. So, please don’t think I’m approaching prayer from a religious perspective.
My prayArtister for you today is to learn to love yourself, physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally, the whole fuckin ball of wax.

“Suffering” is not a word I’m any more comfortable with than the word, “victim.” Pain is a mandatory part of life, a required course, put suffering is optional, an elective. So, let’s just say that I volunteered to climb up the rough side of the mountain to find self-acceptance and peace in my heart.

It took me nearly 50 years before I could look in a mirror and not loathe and despise the reflection I saw there. I hated that face in the mirror. I felt that it betrayed me, that it had nothing to do with the man I was, or the man that I was striving to be.

But, I can still plainly remember that day, I was 47yo. I was brushing my teeth and at some point glanced into the mirror and I was faced with this man that seemed at once a total stranger, yet somehow familiar. I found him almost attractive. In a split second I realized it was me, and in that same split second my entire life thus far suddenly made complete sense to me. Something clicked, I suddenly “got it.” EUREKA!

All those years I was attempting to embrace the face of a man that I disliked, loathed, despised even. I found him worthless and noting but an obstacle that prevented me from being the man I was truly meant to be . He was my great betrayer. All those years I blamed my appearance for my countless failures, disappointments, misery and general unhappiness. Even though I had done a lot of work on myself through various modalities of therapy and self-actualization, I continued to feel ugly inside, so I was only capable of perceiving ugliness on the outside. I had no problem finding beauty in you, or in my surroundings, but I didn’t feel worthy of feeling beautiful myself. That one instant in that one day changed my life forever.

I still face challenges and obstacles today. There are always going to be relationship issues, financial stress, care and concern for loved ones and our beloved pets. But, I no longer see myself as an enemy of my situations and circumstances. Today I am fully integrated, my own best ally, a force of nature in which I have complete and unwavering Faith.

NAM MYOHO RENGE KYO

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